Sunday, June 1, 2014

Questions You Should Ask BEFORE You Marry

We have seven kids and this weekend a second one married. Apparently we have done a poor job raising them and not conveying our value system on them because our two most stubborn children have  picked mates that....  There is a reason that parents ask you to wait.
So, in light of the two that got away, this little article is for the other five to come and all of those others that we claim as "our kids".

1. Don't marry someone with two or more sets of parents. 
Don't even get slightly interested in them. You can choose to love someone with a mother and a father. They may be a little harder to find, but they will be worth the wait. Why? You are already setting yourself up for failure when you marry someone whose parents have chosen to not tough it out, no matter what they say. If they have divorced and raised their child as a single parent, hats off to them. You can't see the future but the multiple parent syndrome continues to spread.

2. Where does this person fit into the family?
Are they the oldest? Youngest? Only? Only daughter or son? Believe me, it matters. Lack of sisters interacting with each other or brothers or sibling pecking order makes a huge difference when you begin to fight, and you will. If you come from a large family where there is more input and you marry a baby and only female who has been the center of their world, they are going to have a problem with you. Especially if they have been spoiled and catered to. Warning!

3. Money. Oh yes, it does raise it's ugly head, early and frequently. 
What about "wants"? There is a difference between wants and needs. Do both of you know what they are and do you agree on them? Are you used to "making do"? Are they? What about credit cards? Do they have them? Use them? Owe on them? How much? Marrying someone with a lot of debt means they already are married to THE DEBT, and you will get to marry it also.  Marriage is meant for two, three is a crowd. 
If you think going out to eat or buying clothes just because you are going somewhere new is a need, you better take your blinders off now. Do without while you can and that would include that tank of gas.

4. Habits.
What are they? Porn? Internet? Games? Sports? Dirty movies? Alcohol? Drugs? Shopping? You might should slow down and listen to your parents. You might actually avoid a difficult road if you just check them out a little longer. Porn addiction is about like the debt: they already have a spouse and you get to marry it with them.  Not fun. Three is a crowd. What about same sex attraction? Know their history. 

5. Kids.
They come. You could be the one in a million who has trouble conceiving, male or female, but chances are, you aren't. Do you have a fertility plan? Before you have even gotten used to each other, don't bring a poor innocent life into the picture. It isn't about making a baby. It is about raising a better adult than yourself. 

6. Parents
How do they treat theirs? If they are in control, bossing and talking down to their parents, guess what you will have for the parent of your children? Do they communicate regularly with both parents? If they don't, you should  ask why. Are they in fear of their parents?  Can they talk freely about anything with them? Were they abused? Have a good time with that one but slow down and find out. 

This will do for now. I bet I will add to this list. 

1 comment:

  1. What are your thoughts of a couple with different denominations getting married?